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This review originally appeared on Goodreads on June 11, 2022.

The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart

By Jesse Bullington – Orbit – October 27, 2009

Review by Robin Marx

Natural Born Killers in the 14th century. Grand Theft Wagon. This grimdark picaresque romp through the Holy Roman Empire and points beyond follows two grave-robbing brothers on a grandiose journey to loot the tombs of Egypt.

Hegel and Manfried, the titular Brothers Grossbart, are not good people. They rob from the dead and have zero compunctions about creating new corpses. Shortly after being introduced to them, we see the pair murder a family of farmers with no real provocation. This inciting event plants the seeds for future strife experienced by the brothers as well as marking the start of their medieval international crime spree. Along the way they encounter witches, demons, and brigands every bit as cruel and vicious as themselves.

The brothers are churlish, thuggish, and ignorant. They’re hot-tempered, violent, arbitrary, and petty. They’re also pious in an idiosyncratic way: they’re reverently horny for the Virgin Mary, but they don’t think much of her son. Like most villains, they view themselves as the heroes of their narrative, and despite their repellant natures, they make compelling protagonists.

The Grossbarts are perfectly at home in the medieval Europe portrayed in the book. The people they encounter tend to be every bit as treacherous and untrustworthy as themselves. The supporting cast is vicious, diseased, demented, avaricious, and/or occasionally literally in league with the devil.

This book isn’t for everyone. People who require likable protagonists and happy endings should stay away. The book is full of graphic violence and drenched in various bodily fluids. Children are casually murdered. Blasphemy is present and accounted for. But for those who can enjoy grim and dark tales, this book is exhilarating and slyly humorous.

The dialogue was the highlight of the book for me. The brothers speak in a crass and blunt dialect that never ceases to entertain. Their interactions with other characters pleasantly reminded me of Jack Vance’s Cugel the Clever stories, albeit with Cugel’s highfaluting bloviating replaced with hammer-blunt gutter slang.

My only real complaint with the book is that the pacing lags in some sections. The brothers’ sojourn in Venice seems to go on longer than necessary, and there’s an ocean journey that feels a little slow. That being said, a lot of territory (geographically and spiritually) is covered over the course of the book, and it was sufficiently gripping that I finished the final third of the book in a single sitting.

As I said, this book isn’t for everyone, but I found it a lot of fun. If you have an affinity for grimdark, this is an entertaining and wryly funny read.

★★★★☆

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